just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
two words: eviction party
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
