Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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