our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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