Are we in a gay sports bar?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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