so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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