Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She bit a glass in half.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
