Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
