News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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