Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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