I'm drive I can fine osifer
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
