Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
