By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
