I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
