so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
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In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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