dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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