to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
