i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
