i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
