false alarm. still invincible.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
