I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
