I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
