What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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