I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
