A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Couch. On fire.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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