You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
