you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
