when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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