Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
