it glows. i had to have it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
