I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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