its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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