covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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