pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
zippers are such a cool invention
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
