My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
