i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
