you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
