I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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