Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
