Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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