somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
