in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
