I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
