i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
