Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
