I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
