is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
