Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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