Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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