Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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