So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am mentally ready for anal.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
