I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
