why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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