is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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