i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
