she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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