This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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