Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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