Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
