remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
