I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
