Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
