nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
