i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
