Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize