So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
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You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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