Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
