Can i not drive my cunt home
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
