So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
