Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
