Kiss
Puke
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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